That Ron, he has a sarcastic sense of humor and a tendency to curse quite frequently. He always seems to say the funniest things and gets into interesting situations because of his temper. Here are some of my favorite Ron moments and quotes, divided into some categories.

----- Ron's misfortunes

"You've got to be kidding, I'm not wearing that, no way." -GF (when shown his new dress robes which were slightly feminine)

"Why is everything I own rubbish?" -GF

"You never get anything new, either, with five brothers. I've got Bill's old robes, Charlie's old wand, and Percy's old rat." -SS

"His name's Scabbers and he's useless, he hardly ever wakes up. Percy got an owl from my dad for being made prefect, but they couldn't aff--I mean, I got Scabbers instead." -SS

----- Being Brave

"Yes..." said Ron soflty, "its the only way...I've got to be taken." -SS (aww that Ron)

Ron plunged his hand into his robes, pulling out his wand, yelling, "You'll pay for that one, Malfoy!" and pointing it furiously at Malfoy's face. -CS (after Draco called Herm a mudblood)

"If you want to kill Harry, you'll have to kill us too!" He said fiercely, though the effort of standing upright was draining him still of more color, and he swayed slightly as he spoke. -PA

----- About Hermione

"You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant but scary."

"Because that's what Hermione does," said Ron shrugging. "When in doubt, go to the library." -CS

"She's made you out to be some sort of--of scarlet woman!" -GF

"Whatever house I'm in, I hope she's not in it." -SS

"Oh Professor Flitwick, I'm so worried, I think I got question fourteen b wrong..." -SS (imitating Herm)

"Yeah and lucky Harry doesn't lose his head in a crisis- 'there's no wood', honestly." -SS

"Looking for another book. I think she's trying to read the whole library before Christmas." -CS

"But I wish I could have had a turn with the boggart-" [said Hermione]
"What would it have been for you?" said Ron sniggering. "A piece of homework that only got 9 out of 10?" -PA

"Hermione!" said Ron weakly, and he tried to grab her hand as she swung back. -PA (Ron was rather impressed when she slapped Draco)

"Hermione, I don't know what's gotten into you lately!" said Ron astounded. "First you hit Malfoy, then you walk out on Professor Trelawney-". Hermione looked rather flattered. -PA

----- Doing Schoolwork

"D'you think we've got nothing better to do in Potions than listen to Snape?" -CS

"You need your Inner Eye tested, if you ask me." -PA

"Aaaaah," said Ron, imitating Professor Trelawney's mystical whisper, "when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born, Harry..."
Seamus and Dean, sniggered loudly, though not loudly enough to mask the excited sqeals from Lavender Brown--"Oh Professor look! I think I've got an unaspected planet! Oooh, which one's that, Professor?"
"It is Uranus, my dear," said Trelawney, peering down at the chart.
"Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?" said Ron. -GF

----- Ron's thoughts on the Professors

"He looks like one good hex would finish him off, doesn't he?" -PA (about Prof. Lupin)

"Is Lockhart the swarmiest bloke you've ever met, or what?" -CS

"Lockhart'll sign anything if it stands still long enough." -CS

Ron called Professor McGonagall alot of names that greatly annoyed Hermione. -PA

"D'you know what the-" (he called Snape something that made Hermione say "Ron!") "-is making me do?" -PA

----- Making fun of Percy

"Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea-cosy."

----- About Draco

"I'm warning you, Malfoy--one more word--"
"You're in luck, Weasley, Potter's obviously spotted some money on the ground!" said Malfoy.
Ron snapped. Before Malfoy knew what was happening, Ron was on top of him, wrestling him to the ground. -SS

"Keep talking Malfoy, and I'll give you a real injury." -PA

"I want to fix that in my memory forever," said Ron, his closed and an uplifted expression on his face. "Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..." -GF

----- SPEW

"Spew'?" said Harry, picking up a badge and looking at it. "What's this all about?"
"Not spew," said Hermione impatiently. "It's S.P.E.W. Stands for the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare."
"Never heard of it." said Ron.
"Well, of course you haven't, I've only just started it."
"Yeah?" said Ron in mild surprise. "How many members have you got?"
"Well--if you two join--three," said Hermione.
"And you think we want to walk around wearing badges saying 'spew', do you?" said Ron.
"S-P-E-W!" said Hermione hotly. -GF

----- Romance

"We should get a move on, you know...ask someone. He's right. We don't want to end up with a pair of trolls." said Ron.
Hermione let out a sputter of indignition. "A pair of...what, excuse me?"
"Well--you know," said Ron, shrugging. "I'd rather go alone that with--with Eloise Midgen, say."
"Her acne's loads better lately--and she's really nice!"
"Her nose is off-center," said Ron.
"Oh I see," Hermione said, bristling. "So basically, you're going to take the best-looking girl who'll have you, even if shes completely horrible?"
"Er--yeah, that sounds about right," said Ron -GF

"Hermione, Neville's right--you are a girl..." -GF (smooth Ron, real smooth)

"Hasn't he asked you to call him Vicky yet?" -GF (sensing some jealousy here)

"I still can't work out how you two got the best-looking girls in the year," muttered Dean. "Animal magnetism," said Ron gloomily, pulling stray threads out of his cuffs. -GF

"Next time there's a ball, ask me before someone else does, and not as a last resort!" (said Hermione)
"Well," he sputtered, looking thunderstruck, "well--that just proves--completely missed the point--" -GF

----- Ron's Unique Use Of Words

"Stupid little feathery git."
"Slimy git."
"Harry you prat."
"I'll go stankers before I put that on."
"That's because he's a brainless git."
"Blimey." g content here

"But we're not stupid -- we know we're called Gred and Forge." -George Weasley

Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march.

"'Constant vigilance!' You'd think I walk around with my eyes shut, banging off the walls...." -Harry Potter

"Oh, are you a prefect Percy? You should have said something we had no idea."
"Hang on I think I remember him saying something about it, Once..."
"Or twice-"
"A minute-"
"All summer-" -The Weasley twins

"We tried to shut him in a pyramid, but Mum spotted us."
-George Weasley

"Wild! I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again...and again...and again..." -Ron

"Lockhart'll sign anything if it stands still long enough."
-Ron

"What would we want to be prefects for?" Said George looking revolted at the very idea. "It'd take all the fun out of life."
-George Weasley

"So light a fire!" Harry choked.
"Yes...of course...but there's no wood!" Hermione cried wringing her hands.
"HAVE YOU GONE MAD!" Ron bellowed, "ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT!"

"I believe misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat."
-Dumbledore

"That'll change the world, that report will," said Ron. "Front page of the Daily Prophet, I expect, cauldron leaks."

"A study of Hogwarts prefects and their later careers," Ron read aloud off the back cover. "That sounds fascinating."

"We had to write about our hero at school Mr. Mason; I wrote about you."
-Dudley

"Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?" said Fred. "That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway!" said Percy, going very red in the face. "It was nothing personal!"
"It was," Fred whispered to Harry as they got up from the table. "We sent it."

"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor."

"I was saying that Saturn was surely in a position of power in the heavens at the moment of your birth...your dark hair...your mean stature...tragic losses so young in life...I think I am right in saying, my dear, that you were born in midwinter?"
"No," said Harry, "I was born in July."

(Harry just been greeted by Percy...) "Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy-" "Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing." Percy scowled. "That's enough, now," said Mrs. Weasley. "Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seized her hand too. "How really corking to see you-"

"I want to fix that in my memory forever," said Ron, his closed and an uplifted expression on his face. "Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."

"Enjoying it?" said Ron darkly. "I don't reckon he'd come home if Dad didn't make him. He's obsessed. Just don't get him onto the subject of his boss. According to Mr. Crouch...as I was saying to Mr Crouch...Mr. Crouch is of the opinion...Mr. Crouch was telling me... They'll be announcing their engagement any day now."

"Don't be prat, Neville, that's illegal," said George. "They wouldn't use the Cruciatus Curse on the champions. I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing... maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry."

"Aaaah," said Ron, imitating Professor Trelawney's mystical whisper, "when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born."

Dudley had done the thing he was threatening to to do since age three: He had become wider than he was tall.

"Well...when we were in our first year, Harry--young, carefree, and innocent--"
Harry snorted. He doubted whether Fred and George had ever been innocent.

"How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?" asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding. "The Ministry's providing a couple of cars," said Mr. Weasley. Everyone looked up at him. "Why?" said Percy curiously. "It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-" "-for Humongous Bighead," said Fred.

"Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy." -Ron

Lee Jordan was finding it difficult not to take sides.
"So--after that obvious and disgusting bit of cheating--"
"Jordan!" growled Professor McGonagall.
"I mean, after that open and revolting foul--"
"Jordan, I'm warning you--"
"All right, all right. Flint nearly kills the Gryffindor Seeker, which could happen to anyone, I'm sure..."

"His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad
his hair as dark as a blackboard,
I wish he was mine, he's really divine,
The hero who conquered the dark lord."
-Ginny

"He got off, he got off, he got off-" - Fred, George, and Ginny

From Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

'Oy, Fred! C' mere and help!' (PS6)

'What's that? Said one of the twins suddenly, pointing at Harry's lightning scar.
'Blimey,' said the other twin. 'Are you –?'
'He is,' said the first twin. 'Aren't' you?' he added to Harry.
'What?' said Harry.
'Harry Potter,' chorused the twins.
'Oh, him,' said Harry, 'I mean, yes, I am.' (PS6)

'Oh, are you a Prefect, Percy?' said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. 'You should have said something, we had no idea.'
'Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it,' said the other twin. 'Once– '
'Or twice–'
'A minute– '
'All summer–'
'Oh, shut up,' said Percy the Prefect. (PS6)

'Now, you two – this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –'
'Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet.'
'Great idea though, thanks, Mum.'
'It's not funny. And look after Ron.'
'Don't worry, ickle Ronniekins is safe with us.'
'Shut up,' said Ron again.
…
'Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.'
'We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.'
'George!' (PS6)

'Are you really Harry Potter?' Ron blurted out.
Harry nodded.
'Oh – well, I though it might be one of Fred and George's jokes,' said Ron. (PS6)

Ron: '… Fred and George mess around a lot, but they still get really good marks and everyone thinks they're really funny…' (PS6)

Harry has been sorted into Gryffindor: Percy the Prefect got up and shook his [Harry's] hand vigorously,
while the Weasley twins yelled, 'We got Potter! We got Potter!' (PS7)

Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march. Dumbledore conducted their last few lines with his wand, and when they had finished, he was one of those who clapped loudest. 'Ah, music,' he said, wiping his eyes. 'A magic beyond all we do here!' (PS7)

'I tell you, we're going to win that Quidditch Cup for sure this year,' said Fred. 'We haven't won since Charlie left, but this year's team is going to be brilliant. You must be good, Harry, Wood was almost skipping when he told us.'
'Anyway, we've got to go, Lee Jordan reckons he's found a new secret passageway out of the school.'
'Bet it's that one behind the statue of Gregory the Smarmy that we found in our first week. See you.' (PS9)

Wood: 'This is it.'
The big one,' said Fred Weasley.
'The one we've all been waiting for,' said George.
'We know Oliver's speech by heart,' Fred told Harry. 'We were in the team last year.' (PS11)

'Merry Christmas!'
'Hey, look – Harry's got a Weasley jumper, too!'
Fred and George were wearing blue jumpers, one with a large yellow F on it, the other with a large yellow G.
'Harry's is better than ours, though,' said Fred, holding up Harry's jumper. 'She obviously makes more of an effort if you're not family.'
'Why aren't you wearing yours, Ron?' George demanded. 'Come on, get it on, they're lovely and warm.'
'I hate maroon,' Ron moaned half-heartedly as he pulled it over his head.
'You haven't got a letter on yours,' George observed, 'I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid – we know
we're called Gred and Forge.'
…
'P for prefect! Get it on, Percy, come on, we're all wearing ours, even Harry got one.'
'I – don't – want –'said Percy thickly, as the twins forced the jumper over his head, knocking his glasses askew.
'And you're not sitting with the Prefects today, either,' said George.
'Christmas is a time for family.'
They frog-marched Percy from the room, his arms pinned to his sides by his jumper. (PS12)

From Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry's bedroom window has bars on it: 'But you can't magic me out either –'
'We don't need to,' said Ron, jerking his head towards the front seats and grinning. 'You forget who I've got with me.'
'Tie that round the bars,' said Fred, throwing the end of a rope to Harry. (CS3)

Fred and George climbed carefully through the window into Harry's room. You had to hand it to them, thought Harry, as George took an ordinary hairpin from his pocket and started to pick the lock.
'A lot of wizards thin it's a waste of time, knowing this sort of Muggle trick,' said Fred, 'but we feel they're skills worth learning, even if they are a bit slow.' (CS3)

Harry tells the twins about Dobby: 'Very fishy,' said Fred finally.
'Definitely dodgy,' agreed George. 'So he wouldn't even tell you who's supposed to be plotting all this stuff?' (CS3)

'Well,' said Fred, 'put it this way – house-elves have got powerful magic of their own, but they can't usually use it without their masters' permission. I reckon Dobby was sent to stop you coming back to Hogwarts. Someone's idea of a joke. Can you think of anyone at school with a grudge against you?' (CS3)

'Well, whoever owns him will be an old wizarding family, and they'll be rich,' said Fred.
'Yeah, Mum's always wishing we had a house-elf to do the ironing,' said George. 'But all we've got is a lousy old ghoul in the attic and gnomes all over the garden. House-elves come with big old manors and castles and places like that, you wouldn't catch one in our house…'
(CS3)

The Ford Anglia lands at The Burrow: 'Touchdown!' said Fred as, with a slight bump, they hit the ground. (CS3)

'Now, we'll go upstairs really quietly,' said Fred, 'and wait for Mum to call us for breakfast. Then Ron, you come bounding downstairs going, 'Mum, look who turned up in the night!' and she'll be all pleased to see Harry and no one need ever know we flew the car.' (CS3)

Mrs. Wesley was marching across the yard…. Remarkable how much she looked like a sabre-toothed tiger.
'Ah,' said Fred.
'Oh dear,' said George. (CS3)

'Perfect Percy,' muttered Fred.
'YOU COULD DO WITH TAKING A LEAF OUT OF PERCY'S BOOK!' yelled Mrs. Weasley, prodding a finger in Fred's chest. (CS3)

'Yeah, she'll be wanting your autograph, Harry,' grinned Fred, but he caught his mother's eye and bent his face over his plate without another word. (CS3)

George: 'Mum, we know how to de-gnome a garden.' (CS3)

About Lockhart: 'Mum fancies him,' said Fred in a very audible whisper. (CS3)

'See, they're not too bright,' said George, seizing five or six gnomes at once. 'The moment they know the de-gnoming's going on they storm up to have a look. You'd think they'd have learned by now just to stay put.'

Arthur's idea of firm discipline: 'Did you really?' said Mr. Weasley eagerly. 'Did it go all right?' (CS3)

Fred: 'You've been told to get all Lockhart's books, too!' he said. 'The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher must be a fan – bet it's a witch.' (CS4)

'Wish I knew what he [Percy] was up to,' said Fred, frowning. 'He's not himself. His exam results came the day before you did, twelve O.W.Ls and he hardly gloated at all.'
…
George to Ron: '… If we're not careful, we'll have another Head Boy in the family. I don't think I could stand the same.' (CS4)

'Where did you come out?' Ron asked.
'Knockturn Alley,' said Hagrid grimly.
'Brilliant!' said Fred and George together. (CS4)

Quidditch practice: Fred Weasley's head drooped right onto Alicia Spinnet's shoulder and he began to snore. (CS7)

'I've got a question, Oliver,' said George, who had woken with a start. 'Why couldn't you have told us all this yesterday when we were awake?' Wood wasn't pleased. (CS7)

'And the Slytherins don't need a spy, Oliver,' said George.
'What makes you say that?' said Wood testily.
'Because they're here in person.' Said George, pointing. (CS7)

Hermione: 'At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in,' said Hermione sharply. 'They got in on pure talent.' (CS7)

'Someone's – tampered – with – this – Bludger,' Fred grunted. (CS10)

Harry: 'Go back to the rest of the team and let me deal with the rogue one.'
'Don't be thick,' said Fred. 'It'll take your head off.' (CS10)

'This is all your fault,' George said angrily to Wood. '"Get the Snitch or die trying" – what a stupid thing to tell him!' (CS10)

Harry is rumoured to be the Heir of Slytherin: Fred and George, however, found all this very funny. They went out of their way to march ahead of Harry down the corridors, shouting, 'Make way for the heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through …'
Percy was deeply disapproving of this behaviour.
'It is not a laughing matter,' he said coldly.
'Oh, get out of the way, Percy,' said Fred, 'Harry's in a hurry.'
'Yeah, he's nipping off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant,' said George, chortling. (CS12)

Percy, who hadn't noticed that Fred had bewitched his prefect badge so that it now read, 'Pinhead', kept asking them all what they were sniggering at. (CS12)

'Oh, that,' said Ginny, giggling. 'Well – Percy's got a girlfriend.'
Fred dropped a stack of book on George's head.
'What?'
… 'You won't tease him, will you?' she added anxiously.
'Wouldn't dream of it,' said Fred, who was looking as if his birthday had come early.
'Definitely not,' said George, sniggering. (CS18)

From Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

'Harry!' said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply.
'Simply splendid to see you, old boy –'
'Marvellous,' said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. 'Absolutely spiffing.'
Percy scowled. (PA4)

'What do we want to be Prefects for?' said George, looking revolted at the very idea. 'It'd take all the fun out of life.'

George: 'We tried to shut him in a pyramid,' he told Harry. 'But Mum spotted us.' (PA4)

'The Ministry's providing a couple of cars,' said Mr. Weasley. Everyone looked up at him.
'Why?' said Percy, curiously.
'It's because of you, Perce,' said George seriously. 'And there'll be little flags on the bonnets, with HB on them –'
'– For Humongous Bighead,' said Fred.
Everyone except Percy and Mrs. Weasley snorted into their pudding. (PA4)

… they were interrupted by Fred and George, who had looked in to congratulate Ron on infuriating Percy again. (PA5)

'– or we can ask Fred and George, they know every secret passage out of the castle –' (PA5)

George looked up in time to see Malfoy pretending to faint with terror again.
'That little git,' he said calmly. 'He wasn't so cocky last night when the Dementors were down our end of the train. Came running into our compartment, didn't he, Fred?'
'Nearly wet himself,' said Fred, with a contemptuous glance at Malfoy.
'I wasn't too happy myself,' said George. 'They're horrible things, those Dementors…'
'Sort of freeze your insides, don't they?' said Fred.
'You didn't pass out, though, did you?' said Harry in a low voice.
'Forget it, Harry,' said George bracingly. 'Dad had to go out to Azkaban one time, remember, Fred? And he said it was the worst place he'd ever been. He came back all weak and shaking… They suck the happiness out of a place, Dementors. Most of the prisoners go mad in there.' (PA6)

'We've got two unbeatable Beaters.'
'Stop it Oliver, you're embarrassing us,' said Fred and George Weasley together, pretending to blush. (PA8)

'We think you're very good, too, Oliver,' said George.
'Cracking Keeper,' said Fred. (PA8)

'Excellent,' said Fred, who had followed Harry through the portrait hole. 'I need to visit Zonko's, I'm nearly out of Stink Pellets.'

'Oliver, calm down!' said Fred, looking slightly alarmed. 'We're taking Hufflepuff very seriously. Seriously.' (PA9)

'Harry!' said Fred, who looked extremely white underneath the mud.
'How're you feeling?' (PA9)

'Where is Wood?' said Harry, suddenly realising he wasn't there.
'Still in the showers,' said Fred. 'We think he's trying to drown himself.' (PA9)

'We'll come and see you later,' Fred told him. 'Don't beat yourself up, Harry, you're still the best Seeker we've ever had.' (PA9)

'We've come to give you a bit of festive cheer before we go,' said Fred, with a mysterious wink. 'Come in here…'
…
'What's that supposed to be?'
'This, Harry, is the secret of our success,' said George, patting the parchment fondly.
'It's a wrench, giving it to you,' said Fred, 'but we decided last night, your need's greater than ours.'
'Anyway, we know it off by heart,' said George. 'We bequeath it to you. We don't really need it any more.'
'And what do I need with a bit of old parchment?' said Harry.
'A bit of old parchment!' said Fred, closing his eyes with a grimace, as though Harry had mortally offended him. 'Explain, George.'
'Well… when we were in our first year, Harry – young, carefree and innocent –'
Harry snorted. He doubted whether Fred and George had ever been innocent.
'– well, more innocent than we are now – we got into a pot of bother with Filch.'
'We let off a Dungbomb in the corridor and it upset him for some reason –'
'So he hauled us off to his office and started threatening us with the usual –'
'– detention –'
'– disembowelment – '
…
'This little beauty's taught us more than all the teachers in this school.' (PA10)

'Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs,' sighed George, patting the heading of the map. 'We owe them so much.' (PA10)

'Come on, Ron, you were always saying how boring Scabbers was,' said Fred bracingly. 'And he's been off-colour for ages, he was wasting away. It was probably better for him to snuff it quickly. One swallow – he probably didn't feel a thing.'
'Fred!' said Ginny indignantly.
'All he did was eat and sleep, Ron, you said it yourself,' said George.
'He bit Goyle for us once!' Ron said miserable. 'Remember Harry?'
'Yeah, that's true,' said Harry.
'His finest hour,' said Fred, unable to keep a straight face. 'Let the scar on Goyle's finger stand as a lasting tribute to his memory…' (PA13)

'The Dementors won't turn up again, Oliver, Dumbledore'd do his nut,' said Fred confidently. (PA13)

From Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

'What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?'
'Oh, no, Ron,' came Fred's voice, very sarcastically. 'No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up.' (GF4)

'Did he eat it?' said Fred excitedly, holding out a hand to pull Harry to his feet.
'Yea,' said Harry, straightening up. 'What was it?'
'Ton-Tongue Toffee,' said Fred brightly. 'George and I invented them, we've been looking for someone to test them on all summer…' (GF5)

'That wasn't funny, Fred!' he [Arthur] shouted. 'What on earth did you give that Muggle boy?'
'I didn't give him anything,' said Fred, with another evil grin. 'I just dropped it… it was his fault he went and ate it, I never told him to.'
…
'How big did his tongue get?' George asked eagerly. (GF5)

'We didn't give it to him because he was a Muggle!' said Fred indignantly.
'No, we gave it to him because he's a great bullying git,' said George. (GF5)

'We've been hearing explosions out of their room for ages, but we never thought they were actually making things,' said Ginny, 'we thought they just liked the noise.' (GF5)

'Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?' said Fred.
'That was a sample of fertiliser from Norway!' said Percy, going very red in the face. 'It was nothing personal!'
'It was,' Fred whispered to Harry, as they got up from the table. 'We sent it.' (GF5)

'Where're Bill and Charlie and Per-Per-Percy?' said George, failing to stifle a huge yawn. (GF6)

'What is that in your pocket?'
'Nothing!'
'Don't you lie to me!'
Mrs. Weasley pointed her wand at George's pocket and said, 'Accio!'
…
'We told you to destroy them!' said Mrs. Weasley furiously… (GF6)

'Well, have a lovely time,' said Mrs Weasley, 'and behave yourselves,' she called after the twins' retreating backs, but they did not look back or answer. (GF6)

'We'll bet thirty-seven Galleons, fifteen Sickles, three Knuts,' said Fred, as he and George quickly pooled all their money, 'that Ireland wins – but Viktor Krum gets the Snitch. Oh, and we'll thrown in a fake wand..'
…
'Excellent! I haven't seen one that convincing in years! I'd pay five Galleons for that!' (GF8)

'Anyone can speak Troll,' said Fred dismissively, 'all you have to do is point and grunt.' (GF8)

'Oh, shut up, Weatherby,' said Fred. (GF8)

'Don't tell your mother you've been gambling,' Mr. Weasley implored Fred and George, as they all made their way slowly down the purple-carpeted stairs.
'Don't worry, Dad,' said Fred gleefully, 'we've got big plans for this money, we don't want it confiscated.' (GF9)

'You're all right,' Mrs Weasley muttered distractedly, releasing Mr Weasley and staring around at them all with red eyes, 'you're alive… oh, boys…'
And to everybody's surprise, she seized Fred and George and pulled them both into such a tight hug that their heads banged together.
'Ouch! Mum – you're strangling us –'
'I shouted at you before you left!' Mrs Weasley said, starting to sob.
'It's all I've been thinking about! What if You-Know-Who had got you, and the last thing I ever said to you was that you didn't get enough O.W.Ls? Oh, Fred… George…' (GF10)

'What are you two up to?' said Mrs Weasley sharply, her eyes on the twins.
'Homework,' said Fred vaguely.
'Don't be ridiculous, you're still on holiday,' said Mrs Weasley.
'Yeah, we've left it a bit late,' said George.
…
'If the Hogwarts Express crashed tomorrow, and George and I died, how would you feel knowing that the last thing we ever heard from you was an unfounded accusation?'
Everyone laughed, even Mrs Weasley. (GF10)

'… It is my very great pleasure to inform your that the Triwizard Tournament will be taking place at Hogwarts this year.'
'You're JOKING!' said Fred Weasley loudly. (GF12)

'I'm going for it!' Fred Weasley hissed down the table, his face lit with enthusiasm at the prospect of such glory and riches. (GF12)

'What was it like?' said Harry eagerly.
Fred, George and Lee exchanged looks full of meaning.
'Never had a lesson like it,' said Fred. (GF13)

'What's a bummer?' Ron asked George.
'Having a nosy git like you for a brother,' said George. (GF15)

'Well, we have,' said George, indicating Fred, 'loads of times to nick food. And we've met them, and they're happy. They think they've got the best job in the world –' (GF15)

'An Age Line!' Fred Weasley said, his eyes glinting, s they all made their way across the Hall to the doors into the Entrance Gall. 'Well, that should be fooled by an Ageing Potion, shouldn't it? And once your name's in that Goblet, you're laughing – it can't tell whether you're seventeen or not!' (GF16)

'C' mon, then – I'll go first –'
…
For a split second, Harry thought it had worked… but next moment, there was a loud sizzling sound, and both twins were hurled out of the golden circle as though they had been thrown by an invisible shot-putter. (GF16)

Ron: 'Well, we'd better get downstairs for your surprise party, Harry – Fred and George should have nicked enough food from the kitchens by now.' (GF21)

'Don't be a prat, Neville, that's illegal,' said George. 'They wouldn't use the Cruciatus curse on the champions. I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing… maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry.' (GF21)

'Going to try and lead the house-elves out on strike now, are you?' said George. 'Going to give up all the leaflet stuff and try and stir them into rebellion?' Several people chortled. Hermione didn't answer. (GF21)

'Canary Creams!' Fred shouted to the excitable crowd. 'George and I invented them – seven Sickles each, bargain!' (GF21)

… he [Ron] placed the last two cards on top of the castle and the whole lot blew up, singeing his eyebrows.
'Nice look, Ron… go well with your dress robes, that will.' It was Fred and George.
…
'Because we want to send a letter, you stupid great prat,' said George.
'Who d' you two keep writing to, eh?' said Ron?
'Nose out, Ron, or I'll burn that for you too,' said Fred, waving his wand threateningly. (GF22)

'Who're you going with then?' asked Ron.
'Angelina,' said Fred promptly, without a trace of embarrassment.
'What?' said Ron, taken aback. 'You've already asked her?'
'Good point,' said Fred. He turned his head and called across the common room, 'Oi! Angelina!' Angelina, who had been chatting to Alicia Spinnet near the fire, looked over at him.
'What?' she called back.
'Want to come to the ball with me?' Angelina gave Fred an appraising sort of look.
'All right, then,' she said, and turned back to Alicia and carried on chatting, with a bit of a grin on her face.
'There you go,' said Fred to Harry and Ron, 'piece of cake.' (GF22)

'Hello, Mr Bagman,' said Fred brightly. 'Can we buy you a drink?'
'Er… no,' said Bagman, with a last disappointed glance at Harry, 'no thank you boys…' (GF24)

'– we've tried being polite, it's time to play dirty, like him. He wouldn't like the Ministry of Magic knowing what he did –'
'I'm telling you, if you put that in writing, it's blackmail!' (GF29)

George: 'You're starting to sound a bit like our dear older brother, you are, Ron. Carry on like this and you'll be made a Prefect.' (GF29)

'Thought we'd see what those three were up to,' said Fred matter-of-factly, stepping onto Goyle, and into the compartment. He had his wand out, and so did George, who was careful to tread on Malfoy as he followed Fred inside.
'Interesting effect,' said George, looking down at Crabbe. 'Who used the Furnunculus curse?'
'Me,' said Harry.
'Odd,' said George lightly, 'I used Jelly-Legs. Looks as though those two shouldn't be mixed.' (GF37)

'Take it,' he said, and he thrust the sack into George's hands.
'What?' said Fred, looking flabbergasted.
'Take it,' Harry repeated firmly. 'I don't want it.'
'You're mental,' said George, trying to push it back at Harry.
'No, I'm not,' said Harry. 'You take it, and get inventing. It's for the joke-shop.'
'He is mental,' Fred said, in an almost awed voice.
…
'Harry – thanks,' George muttered, while Fred nodded fervently at his side. (GF37).

From Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

'Fred and George have invented Extendable Ears, see,' said Ron. (OP4)

'Hello, Harry,' said George, beaming at him. 'We thought we heard your dulcet tones.'
'You don't want to bottle up your anger like that, Harry, let it all out,' said Fred, also beaming. 'There might be a couple of people fifty miles away who didn't hear you.'
'You two passed your Apparition tests, then?' asked Harry grumpily.
'With distinction,' said Fred. (OP4)

On Snape: 'Git,' said Fred idly. (OP4)

'I think we're well shot of him [Percy],' said George, with an uncharacteristically ugly look on his face. (OP4)

'FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!' screamed Mrs Weasley. 'THERE WAS NO NEED – I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS – JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO USE MAGIC NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WHIP YOUR WAND OUR FOR EVERY TINY LITTLE THING!'
'We were just trying to save a bit of time!' said Fred, hurrying forward to wrench the bread knife out of the table. (OP5)

'None of your brothers caused this sort of trouble!' Mrs Weasley raged at the twins… (OP5)

'Molly you can't stop Fred and George,' said Mr Weasley wearily. 'They are of age.' (OP5)

'Yeah, size is no guarantee of power,' said George. 'Look at Ginny.'
'What d' you mean?' said Harry.
'You've never been on the receiving end of one of her Bat-Bogey Hexes, have you?' (OP6)

'Right-o,' Fred said brightly, spraying the Doxy quickly in the face so that it fainted, but the moment Mrs. Weasley's back was turned he pocketed it with a wink.
'We want to experiment with Doxy venom for our Skiving Snackboxes,' George told Harry under his breath. (OP6)

'Testers?'
'Us,' said Fred. 'We take it in turns. George did the Fainting Fancies – we both tried the Nosebleed Nougat –'
'Mum thought we'd been duelling,' said George. (OP6)

'I love hearing Mum shouting at someone else,' said Fred, with a satisfied smile on his face… (OP6)

Kreacher: 'and there's its twin, unnatural little beasts they are.' (OP6)

Mrs Weasley was wiping her face on her apron, and Fred, George and Ginny were doing a kind of war dance to a chant that went: 'He got off, he got off, he got off!' (OP9)

'Prefect?' he [Fred] said, staring incredulously at the letter. 'Prefect?'
…
'No way,' said George in a hushed voice.
'There's been a mistake,' said Fred… (OP9)

'Yeah,' said Fred slowly. 'Yeah, you've [Harry} caused too much trouble, mate. Well, at least one of you's got their priorities right.'
He strode over to Harry and clapped him on the back while giving Ron a scathing look. (OP9)

'I don't believe it! I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!'
'What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours?' said George indignantly… (OP9)

'We're going to have to watch our step, George,' said Fred, pretending to tremble, 'with these two on our case…'
'Yeah, it looks like our law-breaking days are finally over,' said George, shaking his head. (OP9)

Ron: 'They've always said only prats become prefects…' (OP9)

GALLONS OF GALLEONS!
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For simple, part-time, virtually painless jobs.
(We regret that all work is undertaken at applicant's own risk.)
'They are the limit,' said Hermione grimly… (OP12)

'Fifth year's OWL year,' said George.
'So?'
'So you've got your exams coming up, haven't you? They'll be keeping your noses so hard to that grindstone they'll be rubbed raw,' said Fred with satisfaction.
'Half our year had minor breakdowns coming up to OWLs,' said George happily. 'Tears and tantrums… Patricia Stimpson kept coming over faint…'
'Kenneth Towler came out in boils, d' you remember?' said Fred reminiscently.
'That's 'cause you put Bulbadox powder in his pyjamas,' said George?
'Oh, yeah,' said Fred, grinning. 'I'd forgotten… hard to keep track sometimes, isn't it?' (OP12)

Fred: 'But we feel our futures lie outside the world of academic achievement.' (OP12)

'It is NOT excellent!'
'Course it is, they're alive, aren't they?' said Fred angrily. (OP13)

Hermione has caught the twins red-handed: … 'but I will write to your mother.'
'You wouldn't,' said George, horrified, taking a step back from her. (OP13)

Ron: 'Fred and George are going to laugh themselves stupid when I turn up for tryouts.' (OP13)

'So top grade's "O" for "Outstanding",' she was saying, 'and then there's "A" –'
No, "E",' George corrected her [Hermione], '"E" for "Exceeds Expectations". And I've always though Fred and I should've got "E" in everything, because we exceeded expectations just by turning up for the exams.' (OP15)

'Well, be a good boy and keep your temper with Umbridge today,' said George. 'Angelina'll do her nut if you miss any more Quidditch practises.' (OP15)

'Would you like us to clean out your ears for you?' enquired George, pulling a long and lethal-looking metal instrument from inside one of the Zonko's bags.
'Or any part of your body, really, we're not fussy where we stick this,' said Fred. (OP16)

'You know, I don't get whey Fred and George only got three OWLs each,' said Harry, watching as Fred, George and Lee collected fold from the eager crowd. 'They really know their stuff.' (OP17)

'But you get these massive pus-filled boils, too,' said George, 'and we haven't worked out how to get rid of them yet.'
'I can't see any boils,' said Ron, staring at the twins.
'No, well, you wouldn't,' said Fred darkly, 'they're not in a place we generally display to the public.' (OP18)

Harry was not aware of releasing George, all he knew was that a second later both of them were sprinting towards Malfoy. He had completely forgotten that all the teachers were watching: all he wanted to do was cause Malfoy as much pain as possible; with no time to draw out his wand, he merely drew back the fist clutching the Snitch and sank it as hard as he could into Malfoy's stomach –
'Harry! HARRY! GEORGE! NO!; (OP19)

'It's not my fault I didn't,' said Fred, with a very ugly look on his face, 'I would've pounded the little scumbag to a pulp if you three hadn't been holding me back.' (OP19)

'Course we can go to St Mungo's if we want,' said Fred, with a mulish expression. 'He's our dad!' (OP22)

'We don't care about the dumb Order!' shouted Fred.
'It's our dad dying we're talking about!' yelled George. (OP22)

'You were guarding it, weren't you?' said George quietly. 'The weapon? The thing You-Know-Who's after?' (OP22)

'What's that supposed to be anyway?' asked Fred, squinting at Dobby's painting. 'Looks like a gibbon with two black eyes.'
'It's Harry!' said George, pointing at the back of the picture, 'says so on the back!'
'Good likeness,' said Fred, grinning. (OP23)

'Headless Hats!' shouted George…
…
'How do those hats work then?' said Hermione, distracted from her homework and watching Fred and George. 'I mean, obviously it's some kind of Invisibility Spell, but it's rather clever to have extended the field of invisibility beyond the boundaries of the charmed object…' (OP24)

Fred: 'Anyway… we've decided we don't care about getting into trouble any more.'
'Have you ever?' asked Hermione.
'Course we have,' said George. 'Never been expelled, have we?'
'We've always known where to draw the line,' said Fred.
'We might have put a toe across it occasionally,' said George.
'But we've always stopped short of causing real mayhem,' said Fred.
'But now?' said Ron tentatively.
'Well, now –' said George.
'– what with Dumbledore gone –' said Fred.
'– we reckon a bit of mayhem –' said George.
'– is exactly what our new Head deserves,' said Fred. (OP27)

George: 'Oh, I hope she tries Vanishing them next… they multiply by ten every time you try.' (OP27)

Umbridge: 'You two,' she went on, gazing down at Fred and George , 'are about to learn what happens to wrong-doers in my school.'
'You know what?' said Fred. 'I don't think we are.'
He turned to his twin.
'George,' said Fred, 'I think we've outgrown full-time education.'
'Yeah, I've been feeling that way myself,' said George lightly.
'Time to test our talents in the real world, d' you reckon?' asked Fred.
'Definitely,' said George.
And before Umbridge could say a word, they raised their wands and said together: 'Accio brooms!'
…
'We won't be seeing you,' Fred told Professor Umbridge, swinging his leg over his broomstick.
'Yeah, don't bother to keep in touch,' said George, mounting his own.
Fred looked around at the assembled students, and at the silent, watchful crowd.
'If anyone fancies buying a Portable Swamp, as demonstrated upstairs, come to number ninety-three, Diagon Alley -- Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes,' he said in a loud voice, 'Our new premises!'
'Special discounts to Hogwarts students who swear they're going to use our products to get rid of this old bat," added George, pointing at Professor Umbridge.
'STOP THEM!' shrieked Umbridge, but it was oo late. As the Inquisitorial Squad closed in, Fred and George kicked off from the floor, shooting fifteen feet into the air, the iron peg swinging dangerously below. Fred looked across the hall at the poltergeist bobbing on his level above the crowd.
'Give her hell from us, Peeves.'
And Peeves, who Harry had never seen take an order from a student before, swept his belled hat from his head and sprang to a salute as Fred and George wheeled about to tumultuous applause from the students below and sped out of the open front doors into the glorious sunset. (OP29)

Harry frequently heard students saying things like, 'Honestly, some days I just feel like jumping on my broom and leaving this place,' or else, 'One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley.' (OP30)

Memorable Quotes from
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)